We’ve all dropped the toilet seat before, so we’re all aware that it’s 100% the loudest thing in the world. It’s louder than a rocket taking off, louder than howler monkeys, louder than Krakatoa, and it scares the crap out of you before you have time to turn around and sit down. It’s a messy situation.
Then, as well as being partially deaf for half the day and having a hell of a cleanup on aisle…your own freakin’ bathroom, you might have broken the dang thing, and the only thing worse than a loud toilet seat, is an unstable toilet seat.
Every time you sit down to relieve yourself is a gamble. The seat slips one way or the other, and suddenly you’re pooping in the shower or peeing in the bathtub.
Well, no more, I say! Having done the research to fit my own toilet out with a slow close seat, I can now pass on what I’ve learned to you, and stop the menace of loud and broken toilet seats the world over!
Best Slow Close Toilet Seat Reviews
You want your toilet seat to be slow, not the consumer process that leads you to it, so without further a-doodoo, let’s dive into some reviews!
This classic white slow close toilet seat design isn’t just elegant, it also has universal fixtures, so no matter what brand of porcelain throne you perch on, it’ll fit right into place.
Installation is quick and painless, and once it’s on, I recommend taking it for a test drive, even if you don’t need to go, because oh boy is it comfortable. You may even contemplate installing some in your living room before realizing how insane that would be (do it, I dare you).
There’s also a nifty eject button that releases the seat from the hinges in one fell swoop, making what can be a truly soul-destroying cleaning job a total breeze. Just be careful not to press it when you’re taking care of business because that would be MESSY.
It’s crafted from polypropylene, a tough as nails thermoplastic. To give you a bit of context, on a pound-for-pound basis, it’s roughly three times as strong as steel — impressive, right?
But the thing that really clinched this seat my coveted top spot is that it can be forced closed faster, and the hinges won’t wear out. That means during code brown emergencies, when every second counts, you’re not left waiting.
- Design – Timeless aesthetic.
- Tough Hinges – Seat can be forced down.
- Polypropylene Construction – Stronger than steel.
- Price – Very reasonable for the quality.
- Eject Button – Releases seat for easy cleaning.
- Thickness – It’s quite thin, which some don’t like.
This fancy slow close toilet seat has a robust molded wood core with a protective polypropylene shell, ensuring it’s completely non-porous and easy to clean, no matter how gruesome things get.
Of course, all toilet seats are stable, even if they’re quite thin like my top pick, but the beauty of this seat is that it really feels stable when you sit down, which is soothing and reassuring during our most vulnerable moments.
It’s one of the easiest toilet seats to install that you’ll ever come across, guaranteed, and the soft close function is exquisite.
Corrosion-resistant and impact absorbing, the specialized hinges will keep your toilet hustles hush-hush for the foreseeable future — perfect!
- Wooden Core – Feels stable
- Polypropylene Shell – Fade, crack, and chip resistant.
- Hinge Quality – Sturdy and long-lasting.
- Hygiene – Poly shell makes cleaning easy.
- Plasticky Feel – Poly shell detracts from feel of the wood.
I’ve got something really special for your number ones and twos at number three. This Kohler masterpiece has an integrated LED night light that guides you through the darkness during those late-night zombie plods to the potty.
Don’t worry, it’s not like a Tokyo high street or a rave or anything. It’s just a tasteful green glow emanating between the hinges. The lights are battery-powered, with an energy saver function that can stretch battery life to the 6-month mark, and they have a fully automated 7-hour illumination cycle.
The seat itself is made from polypropylene, which we’ve already spoken about…stronger than steel, yada-yada-yada. Basically, it’s going to last forever. Long after we’re all gone, your toilet seat will remain, ever vigilant.
To sweeten the deal to a sickening degree, it also features the same quick-release function as my top pick, making clean-ups easy as possible.
- Night Light – Walk into the light!
- Polypropylene – Invincible and recyclable.
- Eject Function – Makes cleaning way easier.
- Multiple Colors – Choose one that compliments your bathroom.
- Battery Placement – You have to be careful not to wee on the battery pack.
If you’d rather go outside than set your toasty tuckus down on a frigid toilet seat, have I got a treat for you!
This Bemis BEAST has an integrated heating system. That’s right, folks. The future is now. Pluging into your average GFCI outlet, this seat has three temperature settings, so you can fine-tune your toilet time to your tastes. The heat is especially welcome at night, as it keeps you nice and cozy, allowing you to fall swiftly back to sleep afterward.
Speaking of night time toilet trips, this seat is also fitted with LED lighting, ensuring your toasty buns find their way in the darkness.
Utilizing a STA-TITE fastening system, once this toilet seat is installed, it’s never coming loose, so you never have to worry about the weewee wiggles ever again — hurray!
I’m going to be honest, this thing’s not cheap, but considering the high-tech appointments, it’s a very reasonable price. If you want to be kind to your behind, it’s a no-brainer.
- Heated – Say goodbye to the sting of a cold seat.
- Night Light – Guides you through the dark.
- Installation – Quick and easy.
- STA-TITE – Fixtures never loosen.
- Price – Luxury doesn’t come cheap.
Despite the enameled wood construction, this beautiful Mayfair poop hoop is my slow close budget pick. The value for money you get here is nothing short of EPIC!
The wood composition has a naturally warm feel to it, no fancy heating required. Granted, it can still get pretty chilly in winter, but it’s always far more inviting than a plastic seat.
What’s more, it’s fitted with the same STA-TITE fixtures as my premium Bemis pick, which is nuts considering the price difference. You don’t even need to get down on your hands and knees to install this seat, and once it’s on, it’s rock solid.
You’d think that at this price point, the slow close hinges might not be up to scratch, but what earned this seat its place on my prestigious list is that the hinges are actually amazing. Both durable and whisper-quiet, they could go toe to toe with any other hinges on this list.
- Hinge Quality – Awesome for the price.
- Price – Simply Unbeatable.
- STA-LITE – Easy to install and sturdy as they come.
- Enameled Wood Construction – Warm to the touch.
- Slow Close – May be too slow for some.
When I first set off on my quiet potty pilgrimage, I assumed a quiet toilet seat was a quiet toilet seat, and that was that, but friends…how wrong I was.
There are bunches of different kinds, but don’t let the task ahead overwhelm you as it did me. We’re going to discuss the key quiet toilet seat considerations right here, right now.
What are toilet seats made of by the way? Believe it or not, your toilet seat material options are four-fold. They can be made out of polyresin, thermoplastic, thermoset, or wood. Each material has its own distinct properties, so it’s wise to familiarize yourself with each one.
If, like me, you like to express your creative and adventurous soul, not just through art, conversation, and fashion, but via your toilet seat too, then polyresin is the material for you.
When you see those translucent toilet seats with fish or shells in them, you ever wonder how the heck they got them in there? No, me neither. In any case, that’s polyresin.
A mineral, resin-bound material, it’s poured into a mold at which point objects can be embedded into it — hence the shells. Once set, it’s moderately strong, but more importantly, it’s lightweight, which lends itself to the soft-close function.
Polyresin seats are also low maintenance, bacteria-resistant, and easy to clean. All it takes is a spray of disinfectant and a wipe with a cloth.
By definition, thermoplastics are polymers that can be melted down and then instantly reset into a mold.
Thermoplastic is a pretty vague umbrella phrase including a variety of different materials, but generally speaking, thermoplastic toilet seats are incredibly sturdy. If you’re looking for a partner for life, thermoplastic is the way to go.
Thermoplastics are also fairly affordable and almost always recyclable, so if you give a crap about the environment (pun definitely intended), you’ll love these toilet seats.
Similar to thermoplastic, thermoset is made up of cast polymers, but unlike thermoplastics, it strengthens when heated and cannot be remolded without undergoing chemical changes.
Thermoset has a glassy finish to it, but don’t worry, it’s not going to shatter and splinter you where the sun don’t shine (ouch. I shuddered just writing that). On the contrary, this stuff is incredibly robust.
Considered the premium synthetic toilet seat material, it’s a little costly, but you really do get what you pay for. It’s scratch resistant, and will always look fresh as the day you bought it.
It’s also completely non-porous, so even if you miss the target or get some nasty splashback, it all just wipes off, as does the disinfectant you should probably use after the fact. Of all the seat materials, thermoset is the most hygienic.
My only gripe with thermoset is that it’s not normally recyclable, but hey, it’s that strong, you’d never need to throw it out.
We all know what wood is, so I’ll skip the science lesson on this one. In my opinion, wooden toilet seats are the best of the bunch. Sure, they look classy, but that’s not why I love them. When it comes to wood toilet seats, I’m all about that slightly warm skin-feel when I sit my derrière down.
But wood has so much more going for it than toasty buns. You can choose from different types (commonly oak, walnut, or pine), it’s naturally antimicrobial, and it’s resilient, strong, and easy to clean — hurray!
Wood is porous though, so a quality coat of sealant is absolutely essential, otherwise, your fancy oak toilet seat will end up looking more like gnarly driftwood that’s fought its way across the Atlantic.
One thing to bear in mind; however, is that wood is quite heavy, which puts strain on the slow close hinges, shortening their service life.
Patterns and Colors
There are toilet seats out there that compliment any style of interior design you can think of, so don’t feel you have to settle for one that’s not quite right.
If you’ve got a traditional, cozy sort of vibe going in your powder room, a nice, rich wooden seat will go down a storm. Want something kid-friendly? Why not choose some wacky colors? Maybe the polyresin with the shells we spoke of earlier. The sky’s the limit.
There are affordable and expensive models of each toilet seat material, but generally speaking, starting prices look a lot like this…
- Polyresin = $10
- Thermoplastic = $10
- Thermoset = $13
- Wood = $30
I know what you’re thinking…extra features? What, have they got cup holders in crappers now? Maybe a spot of aircon? Do they wipe for you too?
Well, unfortunately, our primitive toilet technology can only take us so far right now, so we’ll have to wait for AI seats.
What is currently on offer are things like built-in LED lights (if you’ve ever wished your toilet resembled an LAX landing strip), heating elements, child-friendly add-ons, cushions, and a sort of eject function that releases the toilet seat for easy cleaning.
Frequently Asked Questions
Before we part ways and you dream of all the wonderful times you and your slow toilet seat are going to spend together, let’s tie things off with an informative FAQ section.
How does a slow close toilet seat work?
Slow close toilet seats simply ride gravity just like any normal seat would, but special, high-tension hinges take the bite out of said gravity, slowing everything down.
What is the difference between soft close and slow close toilet seats?
There is absolutely no difference between soft and slow close toilet seats. These terms are synonyms.
Can a slow close toilet seat be repaired?
Yes, of course a slow close toilet seat can be repaired. It’s not a particle accelerator, it’s a seat shaped like a donut. If the slow function is playing up, it’s possible that the hinges have worn out, but they’re easily replaced.
Why does my soft close toilet seat creak?
Sometimes the tension in soft close toilet seat hinges will cause a creaking sound, but this can normally be solved by making some adjustments and making sure everything is properly aligned.
How long do soft close hinges last?
The quality of a soft close hinge has a massive impact on their service life. One might start to wear out after about a year, whereas another might last upward of 10 years.
What do I need to install a soft close toilet seat?
Installing a soft close toilet seat is no different to installing a regular one with a need for speed. You’ll need…
- A pair of gloves – Disposable ones are fine, but feel free to use your marigolds.
- A screwdriver
- Combination pliers
- Cleaning agents – Just to give the ceramic a good scrubbing before installation.
Are slow close toilet seats worth it?
I can only speak for myself, but yes, slow close toilet seats are absolutely worth it. I love mine. It makes night time toilet trips way more relaxing. It feels good knowing I’m not going to drop it and wake up everyone within a 50-mile radius.
Can you force a slow close toilet seat shut?
Some advanced hinges can handle the seat being forced shut quickly without wearing out, but for the most part, you’ll have to hold it in for a couple of seconds while the seat closes in its own time.
That’s all from me, friends. I hope you found your new slow close toilet seat on my list, but not to worry if you didn’t. You can use what you learned here today to continue your noble search for a marvelous, muted toilet seat that suits your glutes. Best of luck!